Sorry to bore you with how well this has been going over the last couple of days. Well it's time to get back to basics. Today was awful for a series of reasons, which I will lay out now.
So I started my day by helping a friend move out of her apartment. As it turns out, you need to be careful on this diet. When you do physical activity, you have to ease into it. Start light, then ramp it up. Well, I haven't been trying to exercise on this diet. I figured that I have enough on my plate right now, no need to add strenuous physical activity. As it turns out, that was wise. I learned today exactly what happens when you wake a sleeping giant.
Moving entertainment systems and boxes stirred the waters. Get to the choppa, whispered my bowels. Basically every hour on the hour, I had to absolutely purge everything I've ever eaten, and a few things I cannot identify. This continued even after I was done, and it was not pleasant. It has finally subsided, but it was a rough couple of hours.
This is not the only problem I've been having today. The cravings have become pretty intense. My friends Randy, Mary Kate and I were watching a TV show together, and one of the characters was eating french fries. The experience of watching her eat them was something I can only describe as pornographic. I realized that in that moment, if Randy and Mary Kate had been eating those fries, I would have elbowed them both in the goddamn throats and taken those fries. And it would not have ended there. I would have eaten each and every one of those things, and then I would have shmeared the wrapper all over my body while dancing the dance of life. Those fries looked like a steaming package of hot dirty sex. I would have hurt people I care about for them. Even watching someone make a crappy tuna sandwich on there made my mouth water.
As I type this, the show I am watching shows the characters eating pie, and it's hurting me. I want you to know that if you are eating while you are reading this, my senses for food are heightened. I am currently aware of every meal being eaten in a 2,000 meter radius of me. I can smell you through my internet, and your undoing is upon you. Tomorrow this is done, and while it's been a great experience, I have to say, I'll be happy to enjoy real food again. My first solid meal in a week will be a Sushi Thai, a personal local favorite of mine tomorrow evening. And I cannot wait.