Sunday, December 16, 2012

Reboot Long Weekend: Day 3

     Well everyone, this is it, the last day entry. To set this up a little, I actually started the Reboot on Friday night, my dinner that evening being juice, so lunch today was my last juice. It know it was a weird timetable, but it was 72 hours, so it's done.

     Spencer called me and asked me to help her move today. As you might recall from the last Reboot, I left her sitting at a table alone one of the last times we had dinner plans, so I was happy to help. Well thanks to the rain today, moving got cancelled. So we settled for going back to her place with her boyfriend Daniel and disassembling the furniture to make it easier to move later.

     Last time I helped someone move on the juice, I shat with such a vengeance that we could have used the stream as a missile defense system. No such luck this time. I even tried going for a jog this morning (by morning I mean 1 PM, but since I had just woken up, it's morning to me), but nothing happened. I again took a normal crap. I'm using the term 'normal' loosely here, as it was still so righteously smelly that I was asked to appear before a UN security council for crimes against humanity, but compositionally it was normal.

     I voiced my concern to Sara, and she said it might be because the last reboot was only a couple of months ago, and my body is still used to the idea of a liquid diet. She may be right, I'm not sure. I'm going to root around on the forums a bit more and see what people have experienced. Either way, nothing happened. An odd side note, my pee has become incredibly murky. It looks like I'm peeing an unfiltered wheat beer, all golden and cloudy.

     So, my first meal in 3 days was at Angier, North Carolina's crown jewel, the Mucho Mexico. And lemme tell you, there's a lot of Mexico in a place that serves margaritas by the pitcher. And it wasn't half bad. Thanks for coming along with me, here's a picture of a cat, because this is the internet. You've earned it.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Reboot Long Weekend: Day 2

     Hi everyone, welcome to another installment of "Tim an Masochist." Today was a weird day for me physically, not at all what I expected to happen. And I know you're all holding out for my insane pooping stories, but I don't really know what's going on in my guts right now.

     I started today of pretty normally. Randy came over and we made juice. He will not be joining me for day 3, which I can't say I blame him for. He's got a cookout, I dig it. I drank the juice, it was solid enough. Now that we're on the topic of solids and liquids, let's talk about my poopies.

     So last time around, day two was Crapfest 2012. I levitated off the toilet. Today was a little different.  Rather than purge my bowels, I instead skipped to the last part of last time. I am currently taking normal  composition dooks, but holy sweet moses in the desert, does it reek. I know it was bad last time, but jesus, this ain't even right. I am really glad we're moving at the end of the month, because I don't want to occupy a space that has seen that much... ugly. I'm pretty sure that's how places get haunted.

     To be honest with you, I'm a little freaked out. I treat every fart like it's the big one. You know the one. The one where you let it go, then wait a polite amount of time and go make sure you didn't shit your pants a little. And you totally did. I keep expecting this to get bad, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop here. I'm a little too traumatized from last time to think I'm gonna get out of this clean. I am preparing for another late night attack. God help me. God help us all.

Reboot Long Weekend: Day 1

     Hello everyone! Once again the mob demands that I put to paper (or browser) my experience with the Reboot. For those of you who are new to this, and maychance haven't read my previous entries, I suggest that you take the time now to go ahead and look at those right now. Particularly the part where I tell you not to read it. Don't read this, it's terrible. It's full of memes and shit. Literally, I'm going to talk about my doodies. Like a lot.

     Welp, that's my warning, so anything you read after this point is on your conscience, not mine. I guess I should do a better job of setting this up. My buddy Randy had expressed interest in trying the Reboot on a smaller scale, after I had such a grand old time of it last go-round. So when I mentioned to him that I was looking to hit the reset button after the holidays, he said he was in. I may pepper in some of his commentary on how he's faring, as his pain will be fresh and peppy, while mine will be seasoned with experience. Now you're getting twice the suffering for the same low rate!

     Day 1 wasn't bad, it wasn't bad last time either. But I can feel things shifting, making preparations for what is about to happen. We made the juice, which came out pretty good. It wasn't until dinnertime today that I really started to feel hungry. That persisted into the evening, as I had to work late at the movie theater. I took a serious but otherwise normal crap while on break, and it already gave warning of tomorrow's tidings. I must now brace my innards for the stampede I will face tomorrow. I have resigned myself to this. Here we go again. Tune in tomorrow for the really juicy stuff!